Doctor, I won’t tell you what’s wrong or let you examine me.

I just want to know your hourly rate, so I can shop for whoever is cheapest.

I don’t believe in following your tried-and-true process of collecting vitals, performing a diagnosis, and then coming up with a treatment plan.

My ailment is completely unique, unlike any ailment any patient has ever had in the history of medicine– because I think so.

So I’m going to tell you what instruments to use, what operation I think I need, how long it should take, and what it should cost.

I’m a pro and understand surgery well, since I’ve watched a lot of George Clooney in ER on TV.

No need for diagnostics or a medical team– that’s just bureaucratic extra cost.

Actually, since you’re a well-known surgeon, I’d like to hire one of your junior surgeons to operate on me– who is the cheapest one you can offer by the hour?

// You think this is ridiculous?
// It happens to us every day.